And then one day, the nicest of the nice girls came to terms with the fact that everyone can not come…
I can’t speak for anyone else, but with a new year on the horizon, I am setting goals and preparing to slay every single one of them. I am big on self-improvement so my preparation includes evaluating what I did this year and determining how I can do it better. Although I am content with where I am, I have no desire to be in the same position around this time next year. The goal is growth, progress, and massive success. Are you with me? If not, get into it.
Part of my “glow up” plan is taking into consideration the people I surround myself with and the people I do business with. After years of experiencing unnecessary conflict due to allowing people to remain in my life way past their season, I finally learned to respect expiration dates and stop allowing my kindness to be a weakness. Yup, I’m that girl… you know, the nice one who gives people way too many chances to meet my expectations. I have a habit (sometimes good, sometimes bad) of always trying to put myself in others shoes and be understanding of their situations. The problem with that is sometimes my compassion for others causes me to sacrifice my peace, happiness, and success. I have decided that just won’t do. That is one habit I will not allow to continue.
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
Now listen, I am a true believer that people can change and grow. I know because I do it every day. I am not the same person I was last year or even last month. I don’t want anyone to hold my past mistakes against me so I try not to do that to others. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and allow them the opportunity to do better before I cut them off. However, I have also learned to listen to my elders. There are always exceptions to every rule, but Auntie Maya was speaking the truth when she wrote the above quote. As I evaluate who will and won’t be stepping into the new year with me, I am asking myself the following questions:
- What do they bring to my life right now?
- Who have they shown themselves to be?
- Do their values align with my values?
- Does their presence help me or hurt me?
It’s important to answer these questions based on present tense, hence the “right now” in question #1, because at some point you may have been attracted to what the person brought to your life and deemed it valuable, but now you don’t. That is what happens when you grow. I don’t like to do all of the things I used to do and go all of the places I used to go so naturally I won’t want to hang out with people who still like to do those things and hang out at those places. It’s not that I don’t like them anymore, we just have different interests now and are moving in different directions. There comes a time when your growth has to come before other people’s feelings. It’s nothing personal. We all deserve to reach our full potential.
You’ll get where you’re trying to go much faster if you would let go of the things that are weighing you down. Sometimes that weight is caused by you trying to carry people who should have been left a few miles back. You owe it to yourself to stop committing yourself to people who are committed to wasting your time. You owe it to yourself to stop being loyal to people who haven’t been loyal to you. You owe it to yourself to grow into who you were created to be instead of settling for who people are used to you being. This is your life and you are responsible for your choices. Understand that you have the power to decide who gets to stay in your life and who has to go. When the time comes, love yourself enough to be able to say, “You can’t come.”
“It is natural to outgrow people. Not everyone can go where you are going and not everyone wants to. Allow yourself the freedom to grow without guilt and give others the same courtesy.” Excerpt from She Wins: The Ultimate Guide for Women to Gain a Winning Mindset and Lead a Winning Lifestyle.