Life hasn’t always dealt me the best cards, but I refuse to become a hurt person who hurts people. For as long as I can remember, my family life has been dysfunctional. Raised by a father who pretty much raised himself after losing both of his parents by the age of 14 and a mother whose parents were emotionally unavailable to her, I grew up socially awkward, feeling lonely and misunderstood, unsure of myself, and abandoned at times. While I know now that my parents did the best they could based on their own experiences, I am committed to not allowing the hurt passed down to them from previous generations negatively impact me and potentially affect my future children. As I get older and spend more time reflecting on my thoughts, habits, and behaviors, I am noticing just how much I’ve picked up from my parents. Although much of it is good stuff, like being disciplined and having faith, I recognize that there are some habits and ways of thinking I’ve picked up that aren’t good for me and won’t help me to create the life I want to live.
My life would be completely different if I hadn’t discovered this and decided to make different choices. I am honestly proud of how far I have come with my level of self-awareness and empowerment. There was a time when I blamed my parents for my dissatisfaction with life because of what I felt they lacked to give me. I felt like if they had been better parents, I would have been in a better position earlier in my life. Those feelings held me back for several years before I realized that blaming them wouldn’t move me any further in life and an apology wouldn’t change what had already happened. I had to make the choice to forgive them for what they didn’t know and I had to accept that I am now old enough to take responsibility for myself. I understood that if I didn’t take control of my life, I would be miserable and blaming others for my lack of happiness forever. I had to decide to love myself enough not to become a permanent victim of past circumstances that were out of my control.
I’ve accepted that it doesn’t matter how much I wish the past was different, I can’t change it. Accepting this helps me to focus my energy more on healing than blaming. I have also gained more peace by understanding that if my parents were any different, it’s a good chance that I wouldn’t even exist. By choosing to believe that everything, even when I can’t understand it, happens for a reason and for the greatest good, I am able to focus more on the lessons I learn than the hurt I feel.
In life, people are going to do things to hurt you, sometime on purpose and sometimes unintentionally. You may not have been able to stop it from happening to you, but you are responsible for the hurt you choose to pass on to others and future generations. To do your part to end generational curses, start taking more responsibility for your life and the lives you impact by being more aware of your behaviors. Get clear about where the hurt that you feel stems from and start taking the steps to heal from it. Get assistance from a professional if you need to. While healing, be mindful not to project your hurt onto others, especially those who are innocent of crimes against you. To grow, you must make the choice to stop blaming the past and other people for why you are dissatisfied with your life and start using the power within you to make the necessary changes to have a better present and future. I’m not saying that it will be easy because it won’t be. Some days will be harder than others, but be committed to keep working through it. Some scars will take longer to heal, but be patient with yourself and never give up. Remember, you’re not just breaking the curse for your own peace and sanity, you’re breaking it to improve the life experiences of generations to come. You’re helping those watching you avoid going through what you went through. Being a whole, healthy, and happy woman is much bigger than you.
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